In friendship, growth and evolution

We grow. Every single day that we live, we grow in some way or other. It could be significant growth sometimes, other times not so much. But as time shifts, so do we. And it’s so important to let ourselves grow. I’ve used that word so much because over the past couple of days, I’ve had a chance to reflect on what growth means to me and how that meaning has changed over the years. I used to be a rigid person. Anyone who knew me knows that. But anyone who knows me now knows that I’m the furthest thing from rigid. Pretty much anything will fly with me these days, under the right circumstances. My growth has come with the lesson that everything under the sun depends. And with that knowledge has come freedom.

But as with any old habit, sometimes I find myself slipping back. Remains of my former rigidity still rear their big heads sometimes and force me to reflect and regroup.

I’ll let you in on my most recent episode of regression.

Friendship means the world to me. It’s at the very top of the list of priorities for me. I love fiercely. And naturally, that means some measure of protectiveness. But one of the many lessons I’ve picked up along the way, albeit difficult, is that love doesn’t occur in the same form for everyone. And not all love that’s given out will be reciprocated. I must say, this has been a very hard lesson for me. Very very hard. And I’ll admit that I still struggle with it sometimes. I find that the memories, which by the way are supposed to be treasures, hold me hostage. The evolution of friendship and relationships and how they change over time still gets to me. Why do good things change sometimes?

But while I was forced to ponder over that little disturbance for a fraction of a second, I also remembered how much I’ve changed and how different my needs are right now. And then I thought about all the people the universe has sent me over the years, particularly in the post-school period, and how monumental they all are in my life right now. And that made me relax a whole lot and forget about said disturbance.

It’s perfectly okay for each one of us to regroup from time to time. And it shouldn’t have to come with hard feelings.

Have a wonderful week good people!

Zeri xx

Unfitness chronicles

Quick update: I have not walked to work even once since my last post. Thank you to all my friends who stopped asking me if I’d walked to work right after my first no. I do not need that kind of negativity in my life, haha, even though I asked for it. Who was i kidding? I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning; let alone get up early enough to shower, walk for all of 20-30 minutes and still be in time for work. I guess it was nice to dream though.

Anyway, all that failure aside, I can’t say I’ve completely failed at my fitness goals. I’m limping, yes, but definitely in the right direction (Yay!). An awesome guy started a fitness group on my neck of the woods for people who, like me, are not fit at all to get started on that journey. It’s a really great one hour workout that happens three times a week . I convinced myself i’d go three times a week but at most, I’ve managed to go only twice a week. I’ll admit that i fell off the wagon a bit in the last two weeks where I’ve only attended one class. But I have anxiety to blame for that. The good news is, even though I haven’t made my class in a while, I have hit my treadmill (Yes, I’m now a very proud owner) to make up for the missed classes. Baby steps.

It makes me smile how much people underestimate my level of unfitness. It’s insane, you guys! I went to a school where sports was a huge, HUGE deal. Everyone played something and was pretty good at it too! Tournaments and friendly matches were the order of the day. Me? I couldn’t be bothered. I neither watched nor played. It was all such a waste of time to me, not to mention that I was completely useless at sports. So even the times I was forced to participate (we had compulsory oral and practical PE exams twice a term), I was really really bad. Eventually, the PE teacher gave up on trying to turn me into a success story and exempted me from the class.

And that has been my fitness story all my life. But Simon is changing that narrative and I’m here for it! He’s so encouraging, I almost feel like I’m letting him down when I can’t do half the things the rest can do. But like any good teacher, there’s always a moderately easy option for the very very unfit like myself.

Here’s to fitter days, and being the best version of ourselves!

A wonderful weekend to you all!

Love,

Zeri

The other side of laziness…

Guys, I stepped on a scale today and I was five kilograms heavier than I was the last time I checked; about 2 or 3 weeks before. It’s the heaviest I’ve weighed all year, so you can imagine how unpleasant i thought I’d feel. But you know what went through my mind? It’s just 5 kilos. Now if you know me, you know how much I love food. And if you know me especially well, then you know how hard it is to fit me and exercise in the same equation. We’re like oil and water… we love to try but it just doesn’t work out (pun intended). So as I’m writing this, I’m smiling to myself thinking about the progress I’ve made in terms of food freedom these past months. A little while ago, I’d be dying at the knowledge that I’ve gained 5 kilos. I’m not kidding; I’d be in a serious bout of depression which comes with the worst episodes of binge eating you can imagine. But you know what I thought this time? I really have been over doing the luxurious breakfasts these last few weeks since self employment. I kid you not… Chocolate croissants, large beef samosas, sausages, coffee (with full cream milk)… the works! And when I get home from a long day at work, the only thing that will pick me up is a good old KFC meal. I really can’t be helped! This has been my life for about two months now, my cheeks are proof of it. So actually, 5 kilos isn’t too bad at all considering my lazy ass does no exercise at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not excusing my laziness. Far from it, actually. The number on that scale has forced me to sit down and REALLY think about what I can do (laziness considered) to be even just a little bit less sedentary. And I’ve decided to walk to work a few days a week. Now I do not know how long I’ll keep this up for, but we have to start somewhere. So when you see me, remember to ask, “Did you walk to work this week?”

I need to be held accountable. We all know there’s a whole lot of sexy hiding behind all those pizzas I can’t stop eating. In fact, I’m not sure you guys are ready for my not-lazy body.

So feel free to send me “ Did you walk to work?” text messages tomorrow. I promise I’ll be nice 😬

And in the meantime, for those who didn’t get my last memo, do not, and I repeat; DO NOT touch my cheeks!

Love and light to you all ❤️

Something about 28…

I turned 28 yesterday. Exciting stuff. I honestly have not been this excited for a new age since 21. I know 21 isn’t that long ago but still, 7 years is a whiiiile. Anyway, you know how you sometimes have that gut feeling in the pit of your tummy that this is going to be a monumental year? That’s how I feel about 28. I feel like it’s one of those years I’ll not forget. To be honest, I have a sneaking feeling this has something to do with the fact that my parents got married and had my sister when my mom was about this age. So in my mind, 28/29 have always been big ages, since before I can even remember.

So here I am. 28. I feel amazing (okay, besides the fact that I’m still coming down from the high of all the love I got yesterday and all the day’s festivities). I’ve spent the last year of my life trying to be more intentional in my life and in my choices. And my 28th birthday really has been evidence of a year well spent. Quality over quantity any day. 28 feels amazing so far 🥂

Traditions were observed, as per usual;

•Champagne breakfast with the family ❤️

•Lunch with someone I love dearly ❤️

•Spa treatment at my favorite spa (Maisha at the Kampala Serena hotel) courtesy of a very good friend (Thank youuuu!)

•And last but certainly not least, an evening of bubbles with my Elizabeth.

I can’t even begin to complain guys. My heart is full.

Cheers to 28! This year will be monumental. 🥂

Zeri.xx

Starting back at one.

January is usually the month when we give all our new year’s resolutions a go and generally set the pace for the year ahead. Most of us are at our most inspired/ambitious/determined this time of year. The energy is contagious!

Beginnings are beautiful. I don’t know about you guys but i personally love that new notebook/ blank canvas feeling. The problem, though, is all the pressure. Surely it’s not just me that feels it. Every beginning of year, i feel an overwhelming need to overhaul my entire life and start over. I’m not kidding. New years always come with this insane urge to make fundamental changes in my life. If it were possible, I’d get a whole new identity altogether; in a completely new place. New year, new me —literally. But sadly, I have to settle for a more figurative interpretation (insert dramatic sigh).

So last month (aka trial month), I tried my hand at my VERY simple resolutions;

1. Remember why you started.
2. Don’t sweat the little things.
3. Live authentic.

Friends, this is the year of the glow up —internally and externally. Naturally, this calls for some serious spring cleaning. Have you ever sat down and thought about all the dead weight you carry around in form of fear, limitations, toxic friends and family, customs you couldn’t care less about and concern for the opinions of others? If you haven’t, it woould be a good idea to. You might find that you too need to do some spring cleaning. And if that’s the case, don’t wait for a new month or a new year. Start now! You’ll be glad you did three months from now.

What dead weight will I be shedding off this year?

1. Impostor syndrome
2. Fear/anxiety
3. Being controlled by my emotions
4. Watering dead plants (figuratively).

What dead weight would you like to shed off?

 

On Mondays, we regroup

I had such an intensely emotional weekend, something that has been happening rather often lately. The plan was to have an adult weekend comprised solely of boring self-care. You know; dinner for one made with ALL the love in the world, my favorite alcoholic beverage, movies with my feet up… the works. Did I succeed? Well, only for half a minute. And then fomo took over and I found myself fully dressed with my face beat and ready for an adventure. I used to be the most FOMO-free person on the planet. I have no idea when or how that changed…lol.

Anyway, as much as I fell off the wagon on that one day, I had every intention of carrying on with my self care plan the rest of the weekend. And I did. I spent Saturday by the pool -sunbathing and dipping interchangeably. It’s amazing how much a little vitamin D can do for your mood! Throw some cocktails and a book in there and you have yourself a full blown party for one.

Solitude can be difficult if/when you are an escapist. Your instinct says, “Keep going!” “Don’t stop the music!” “Run! Run! Run!” But at some point, all that stuff you keep out by following your instincts starts to leak from places that make them hard to ignore. Your eyes, for example, in the form of tears; your mood; hell even your body in form of random aches and ailments if you let it go so far. Pain sucks. Especially since there’s no quick permanent remedy for it. But you know what? There’s no short cut to recovery. And at some point or other, we’re all forced to deal with the pain that’s trapped inside of us. And it can get really really ugly.

So sit down with your emotions every now and again. Acknowledge them; Try to understand them. And then find a way to release them. It’ll do you a whole world of good.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.

What are some of your self care routines?

Feelings Tuesday

I fell asleep in my feelings yesterday. Actually, I lie. My feelings kept me wide awake listening to heartbreak songs and trying to write. Thank goodness I still have a little bit of leave left so I can afford to pull one last all-nighter before I go back to the grind.

So thus morning, I’m lying in bed trying to figure out what to do with the last 20 something hours of my leave. The world feels like my oyster right now! Do I swim? Do I go to the movies? The Spa, perhaps? Hair day? My options are limitless. But I’m also very seriously contemplating staying in bed and reading a book. I’ve been reading a lot of biographies lately. All of those romantic tragedies I was reading before weren’t good for my emotional and mental health, so I gave them a bit of a break. And I feel sooooo inspired to do things. You really learn a lot when you surround yourself with powerful women. Even when it’s just the words they’ve had printed on pages. I don’t know why I didn’t get into this sooner.

Thank goodness for public holidays! Well sort of. On the one hand, I love that we have a reason not to work and that staying in bed is an option (even though I hate sleeping). But on the other hand, I think about all the dreams I had growing up about how I’d spend my days off as an adult. I didn’t understand why anyone would spend their day off at home. So I resolved that when I was grown up and making my own money, I’d spend week ends and public holidays on cruises, at barbeques, hosting dinners and brunches and all sorts of delightful things. Yes, I was always a fancy child. I get that bone from my father. Oh adulthood must be laughing so hard right now! These are the parts they don’t tell us. Who would have known that one day rest would come above “turning up” on the priorities list? Who knew that one day you’d think twice before eating s bagel because you might start looking like a baby elephant if you keep going?

I certainly didn’t. The things growing up will teach You!

Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful day off.

Love and light.

Zeri xx

Wednesday morning grinching

Today, I woke up and thought, “What a day to be alive!”

Waking up is always a process. Most times, I open my eyes and just stare, trying to decide how I feel on that day. On most mornings, it’s nothing, so I grab my to-do list from the night before and [attempt to] mentally prepare for my day.

On some days, that works. I get up and actually do stuff. Especially when I’ve eaten. Breakfast is ridiculously important to me. Do not even attempt to come near me in the morning if I haven’t eaten. Just nod and be on your way. In fact, I’d be perfectly fine if you didn’t even bother to nod.

But there are also those days when I wake up and realize that day isn’t going to happen. Mental, physical and emotional energy sometimes gang up on me and decide that we’re taking the day off. I kid you not. There was a time when I’d fight it, or try to, anyway. But these days, the most I do is try and understand how much my energy and I need the day off, and then most times, I oblige. I can’t stress how important it is to take time off for yourself in this demanding world.

So I’m having one of those mornings today. I woke up feeling nothing for the most part. The house is eerily silent (just the way I like it) and I’m holding my breath, hoping it will stay that way for a while (not very likely, considering I live with morning people). In a second or two, someone will be throwing the curtains open, another one will either turn the tv on or start talking at the top of their voice about one exciting thing or the other. It’s great, to be honest. That energy often rubs off eventually and in an hour or so, I could easily be mistaken for a morning person as well. (Who am I kidding, it’s the food. Breakfast has all the magic.)

Anyway, I’m attempting to have my best day today and I hope you are too.

Love,

Zeri xx

Of wellness and truth ❤

You are not weak for wearing your heart on your sleeve. It takes unbelievable strength to stand up on that podium, look the world in the face and say “I’m not okay”. We all burden ourselves way too much (In my opinion) with feigned strength and what good does it do in the end? None. Absolutely none. We carry our wounded souls back to our beds at night time and wish someone understood. But sometimes we’ve faked it for so long that we don’t even know how to help ourselves. And what good does that do to anyone?

Emotions aren’t something we should be ashamed of. Feeling; not being okay? That’s every body’s truth at some point or other. Sometimes your entire circle of friends might not be well. Yet how do we know, and more importantly, how do we help if we aren’t talking about it? We need to break this unhealthy cycle before it breaks us.

Not everyone deserves your truth, I get that. But you deserve to be heard and understood. So find people you trust and let that sh** out. I recently started keeping track of the things that make me feel better when I’m in a slump and sharing some of these seemingly useless [to other people] things and what they mean to me and my wellness with my closest and dearest. I can’t stress how important self awareness is. For example, sometimes I really need alone time to recharge when I feel drained. Or sometimes, I will not go to something because it’s going to take way too much strength to get through it. Sometimes you really need to take a few steps back to take care of yourself, and that’s okay. It should be anyway.

I’ve made it my mission to educate as many people as I can about emotional and mental wellness because we really do not stress it enough. Only God knows how many people have been on the receiving end of my wellness speeches. And that’s not about to stop anytime soon.

Take care of yourselves!

Love, Zeri xx

Heal the world

A few days ago, someone told me a story about a woman they had met who was schizophrenic. They didn’t know what it was when they told the story though. They just told me how the woman said she had a cruel little man who lived inside her head and that said man didn’t give her a day of peace. For the longest time, she said, the people around her thought she was demon possessed. So naturally, she’s spent the last 20 or so years going from one pastor/church to another. I felt two things when I heard this story; extreme sympathy and pity –both for the woman and for the ignorant people she’s encountered over the years. Imagine going an entire lifetime not knowing what is wrong with you; living a nightmare all by yourself, and in the one place you can’t escape from –your head. The good news is, after 20 years of turmoil, said woman got help. Of the many people she has encountered over the years, she finally met someone who suspected what it might be and took her to see a psychiatrist who, after an extensive examination, diagnosed her with acute schizophrenia.

During the examination, she repeatedly told the doctor not to bother trying to treat her because the guy in her head was going to bribe the doctor into not treating her. She genuinely believed that said guy was so rich and powerful that he could bribe anyone. Apparently, she had thought about going to the hospital several times but said guy had talked her out of it saying that he would pay the doctors not to treat her. It sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it? The cycle is unbelievably vicious. As she spoke, the other people in the room who weren’t doctors were moved to near-tears by the amount of fear in her voice.

Anyway, after an intense session, the doctor recommended some medicine to manage the situation and an injection that said patient was supposed to get every 2 months to manage the symptoms. He promised that in a few weeks, if she continued to take her medicine as instructed, said man would eventually go away. He beseeched her not to let the man talk her out of taking her medicine.

What was really sad about this was;

1) The medicine was quite pricey. I mean granted, this particular person was lucky enough to land on the angels that got her help and offered to take on the financial responsibility of making sure she gets better (bless their generous hearts), but how many people ever are? I’ve heard people say many times that these are rich people problems but I can assure you this person is everything but. And there are so many out there like her. I shudder to think how many people have been sent to traditional healers, abandoned or left to die because of the prevailing ignorance about mental health disorders. Yet what can we do about it? Can we do anything to make it better?

Yes, we can. I can and you can too. The first step is to educate ourselves. When we know, we can help. We can help those around us to understand, we can arm them with tools to help those around them cope. We can support, we can encourage, we can empathize and most importantly, we know how not to make it worse for people that are already suffering. These sound like such small things but you will not believe how far they will go to saving lives.

2) So she gets her medicine and then goes back to her normal life. Will there be anyone to help her ward of the voice inside her head that tells her to take her medicine and actually make sure she sees her treatment through? Getting the medicine is one thing, but does she have a support system?

Do you?

The importance of a support system cannot be stressed enough. We all need it. And so we must all endeavor to be it for someone else. Someone needs you. Be there.

What a difference a little love and a little empathy can make!