On Mondays, we regroup

I had such an intensely emotional weekend, something that has been happening rather often lately. The plan was to have an adult weekend comprised solely of boring self-care. You know; dinner for one made with ALL the love in the world, my favorite alcoholic beverage, movies with my feet up… the works. Did I succeed? Well, only for half a minute. And then fomo took over and I found myself fully dressed with my face beat and ready for an adventure. I used to be the most FOMO-free person on the planet. I have no idea when or how that changed…lol.

Anyway, as much as I fell off the wagon on that one day, I had every intention of carrying on with my self care plan the rest of the weekend. And I did. I spent Saturday by the pool -sunbathing and dipping interchangeably. It’s amazing how much a little vitamin D can do for your mood! Throw some cocktails and a book in there and you have yourself a full blown party for one.

Solitude can be difficult if/when you are an escapist. Your instinct says, “Keep going!” “Don’t stop the music!” “Run! Run! Run!” But at some point, all that stuff you keep out by following your instincts starts to leak from places that make them hard to ignore. Your eyes, for example, in the form of tears; your mood; hell even your body in form of random aches and ailments if you let it go so far. Pain sucks. Especially since there’s no quick permanent remedy for it. But you know what? There’s no short cut to recovery. And at some point or other, we’re all forced to deal with the pain that’s trapped inside of us. And it can get really really ugly.

So sit down with your emotions every now and again. Acknowledge them; Try to understand them. And then find a way to release them. It’ll do you a whole world of good.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.

What are some of your self care routines?

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Feelings Tuesday

Feelings Tuesday

I fell asleep in my feelings yesterday. Actually, I lie. My feelings kept me wide awake listening to heartbreak songs and trying to write. Thank goodness I still have a little bit of leave left so I can afford to pull one last all-nighter before I go back to the grind.

So thus morning, I’m lying in bed trying to figure out what to do with the last 20 something hours of my leave. The world feels like my oyster right now! Do I swim? Do I go to the movies? The Spa, perhaps? Hair day? My options are limitless. But I’m also very seriously contemplating staying in bed and reading a book. I’ve been reading a lot of biographies lately. All of those romantic tragedies I was reading before weren’t good for my emotional and mental health, so I gave them a bit of a break. And I feel sooooo inspired to do things. You really learn a lot when you surround yourself with powerful women. Even when it’s just the words they’ve had printed on pages. I don’t know why I didn’t get into this sooner.

Thank goodness for public holidays! Well sort of. On the one hand, I love that we have a reason not to work and that staying in bed is an option (even though I hate sleeping). But on the other hand, I think about all the dreams I had growing up about how I’d spend my days off as an adult. I didn’t understand why anyone would spend their day off at home. So I resolved that when I was grown up and making my own money, I’d spend week ends and public holidays on cruises, at barbeques, hosting dinners and brunches and all sorts of delightful things. Yes, I was always a fancy child. I get that bone from my father. Oh adulthood must be laughing so hard right now! These are the parts they don’t tell us. Who would have known that one day rest would come above “turning up” on the priorities list? Who knew that one day you’d think twice before eating s bagel because you might start looking like a baby elephant if you keep going?

I certainly didn’t. The things growing up will teach You!

Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful day off.

Love and light.

Zeri xx

Wednesday morning grinching

Wednesday morning grinching

Today, I woke up and thought, “What a day to be alive!”

Waking up is always a process. Most times, I open my eyes and just stare, trying to decide how I feel on that day. On most mornings, it’s nothing, so I grab my to-do list from the night before and [attempt to] mentally prepare for my day.

On some days, that works. I get up and actually do stuff. Especially when I’ve eaten. Breakfast is ridiculously important to me. Do not even attempt to come near me in the morning if I haven’t eaten. Just nod and be on your way. In fact, I’d be perfectly fine if you didn’t even bother to nod.

But there are also those days when I wake up and realize that day isn’t going to happen. Mental, physical and emotional energy sometimes gang up on me and decide that we’re taking the day off. I kid you not. There was a time when I’d fight it, or try to, anyway. But these days, the most I do is try and understand how much my energy and I need the day off, and then most times, I oblige. I can’t stress how important it is to take time off for yourself in this demanding world.

So I’m having one of those mornings today. I woke up feeling nothing for the most part. The house is eerily silent (just the way I like it) and I’m holding my breath, hoping it will stay that way for a while (not very likely, considering I live with morning people). In a second or two, someone will be throwing the curtains open, another one will either turn the tv on or start talking at the top of their voice about one exciting thing or the other. It’s great, to be honest. That energy often rubs off eventually and in an hour or so, I could easily be mistaken for a morning person as well. (Who am I kidding, it’s the food. Breakfast has all the magic.)

Anyway, I’m attempting to have my best day today and I hope you are too.

Love,

Zeri xx

Of wellness and truth ❤

Of wellness and truth ❤

You are not weak for wearing your heart on your sleeve. It takes unbelievable strength to stand up on that podium, look the world in the face and say “I’m not okay”. We all burden ourselves way too much (In my opinion) with feigned strength and what good does it do in the end? None. Absolutely none. We carry our wounded souls back to our beds at night time and wish someone understood. But sometimes we’ve faked it for so long that we don’t even know how to help ourselves. And what good does that do to anyone?

Emotions aren’t something we should be ashamed of. Feeling; not being okay? That’s every body’s truth at some point or other. Sometimes your entire circle of friends might not be well. Yet how do we know, and more importantly, how do we help if we aren’t talking about it? We need to break this unhealthy cycle before it breaks us.

Not everyone deserves your truth, I get that. But you deserve to be heard and understood. So find people you trust and let that sh** out. I recently started keeping track of the things that make me feel better when I’m in a slump and sharing some of these seemingly useless [to other people] things and what they mean to me and my wellness with my closest and dearest. I can’t stress how important self awareness is. For example, sometimes I really need alone time to recharge when I feel drained. Or sometimes, I will not go to something because it’s going to take way too much strength to get through it. Sometimes you really need to take a few steps back to take care of yourself, and that’s okay. It should be anyway.

I’ve made it my mission to educate as many people as I can about emotional and mental wellness because we really do not stress it enough. Only God knows how many people have been on the receiving end of my wellness speeches. And that’s not about to stop anytime soon.

Take care of yourselves!

Love, Zeri xx

Heal the world

Heal the world

A few days ago, someone told me a story about a woman they had met who was schizophrenic. They didn’t know what it was when they told the story though. They just told me how the woman said she had a cruel little man who lived inside her head and that said man didn’t give her a day of peace. For the longest time, she said, the people around her thought she was demon possessed. So naturally, she’s spent the last 20 or so years going from one pastor/church to another. I felt two things when I heard this story; extreme sympathy and pity –both for the woman and for the ignorant people she’s encountered over the years. Imagine going an entire lifetime not knowing what is wrong with you; living a nightmare all by yourself, and in the one place you can’t escape from –your head. The good news is, after 20 years of turmoil, said woman got help. Of the many people she has encountered over the years, she finally met someone who suspected what it might be and took her to see a psychiatrist who, after an extensive examination, diagnosed her with acute schizophrenia.

During the examination, she repeatedly told the doctor not to bother trying to treat her because the guy in her head was going to bribe the doctor into not treating her. She genuinely believed that said guy was so rich and powerful that he could bribe anyone. Apparently, she had thought about going to the hospital several times but said guy had talked her out of it saying that he would pay the doctors not to treat her. It sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it? The cycle is unbelievably vicious. As she spoke, the other people in the room who weren’t doctors were moved to near-tears by the amount of fear in her voice.

Anyway, after an intense session, the doctor recommended some medicine to manage the situation and an injection that said patient was supposed to get every 2 months to manage the symptoms. He promised that in a few weeks, if she continued to take her medicine as instructed, said man would eventually go away. He beseeched her not to let the man talk her out of taking her medicine.

What was really sad about this was;

1) The medicine was quite pricey. I mean granted, this particular person was lucky enough to land on the angels that got her help and offered to take on the financial responsibility of making sure she gets better (bless their generous hearts), but how many people ever are? I’ve heard people say many times that these are rich people problems but I can assure you this person is everything but. And there are so many out there like her. I shudder to think how many people have been sent to traditional healers, abandoned or left to die because of the prevailing ignorance about mental health disorders. Yet what can we do about it? Can we do anything to make it better?

Yes, we can. I can and you can too. The first step is to educate ourselves. When we know, we can help. We can help those around us to understand, we can arm them with tools to help those around them cope. We can support, we can encourage, we can empathize and most importantly, we know how not to make it worse for people that are already suffering. These sound like such small things but you will not believe how far they will go to saving lives.

2) So she gets her medicine and then goes back to her normal life. Will there be anyone to help her ward of the voice inside her head that tells her to take her medicine and actually make sure she sees her treatment through? Getting the medicine is one thing, but does she have a support system?

Do you?

The importance of a support system cannot be stressed enough. We all need it. And so we must all endeavor to be it for someone else. Someone needs you. Be there.

What a difference a little love and a little empathy can make!download.jpg

The strange way things work

​People hate it when you want them more than they want you. We’ll deny it, but it’s true. That’s always been the worst part about “the morning after” (so to speak). You spend time with someone, have wonderful time, get to see a warm and wonderful side of them… And then you think, “Wow, that was nice. We should do it more often.” Except that someone then has to make the first move. Someone has to put the first foot forward. Will it be you? It could. But you worry you’ll seem like you want too much. And that’s always a problem. Why is there so much pressure in our lives though? Can we all just say what we mean already? Would that be so bad?
Imagine a world where you don’t have to worry about texting first, or calling too often, or suggesting that you meet again, and soon. Imagine a world where it’s okay to show the people you want just how much we want them; where we don’t have to pretend that the first kiss didn’t totally blow our minds. Isn’t that the dream?

Also, isn’t it a bit silly how the one who cares less has the power? Who goes into a relationship seeking power anyway? We live in a very strange world.

Anyway, I’m just thinking out loud.

I hope you’re all having a wonderful week.

The Blue ticks side of life.

There was a time when texting was life in my world. I’d spend hours, days, months even having lengthy conversations over text messages. I could write books, bibles even on my phone and it just never got old.

And then one day I woke up and texting irritated me. It could be that I used up my text messaging quota for this lifetime in the decade and a half I spent abusing the function. Who knows?  Anyway, it’s so bad that I completely muted ALL my messaging apps. That way, I see text messages when I go out of my way to see them. Otherwise, they do not disrupt my life one bit. And I cannot properly explain the kind of peace and freedom the silence gives. What with WhatsApp group messages beeping all day long *rolls eyes* I really don’t know how you guys stand it.

The problem with this evolution, though, is that nearly everyone I’ve ever had a lengthy conversation (via text) with in the past has a hard time believing and/or understanding what changed. I keep getting the “why didn’t you reply” or “didn’t you see my text message” question. And it really is exhausting to have to explain every time that it’s not them, it’s me who hates texting. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading text messages. They’re definitely A LOT more pleasant than phone calls… I just don’t like to text back, particularly when the reply requires anything more than a single sentence.

There are exceptions to this rule, of course. There always are. But that’s a story for another day.

And no, I will not be turning my ‘last seen’and read receipts off anytime soon. At some point, we all have to learn, understand and deal with the fact that people can’t always get back to us immediately; and that’s okay (or it should be, anyway).

How I wish we all used voice notes and videos to communicate though. Now those, I love.

I hope you are all having a wonderful Thursday!

xoxo