I fell asleep in my feelings yesterday. Actually, I lie. My feelings kept me wide awake listening to heartbreak songs and trying to write. Thank goodness I still have a little bit of leave left so I can afford to pull one last all-nighter before I go back to the grind.
So thus morning, I’m lying in bed trying to figure out what to do with the last 20 something hours of my leave. The world feels like my oyster right now! Do I swim? Do I go to the movies? The Spa, perhaps? Hair day? My options are limitless. But I’m also very seriously contemplating staying in bed and reading a book. I’ve been reading a lot of biographies lately. All of those romantic tragedies I was reading before weren’t good for my emotional and mental health, so I gave them a bit of a break. And I feel sooooo inspired to do things. You really learn a lot when you surround yourself with powerful women. Even when it’s just the words they’ve had printed on pages. I don’t know why I didn’t get into this sooner.
Thank goodness for public holidays! Well sort of. On the one hand, I love that we have a reason not to work and that staying in bed is an option (even though I hate sleeping). But on the other hand, I think about all the dreams I had growing up about how I’d spend my days off as an adult. I didn’t understand why anyone would spend their day off at home. So I resolved that when I was grown up and making my own money, I’d spend week ends and public holidays on cruises, at barbeques, hosting dinners and brunches and all sorts of delightful things. Yes, I was always a fancy child. I get that bone from my father. Oh adulthood must be laughing so hard right now! These are the parts they don’t tell us. Who would have known that one day rest would come above “turning up” on the priorities list? Who knew that one day you’d think twice before eating s bagel because you might start looking like a baby elephant if you keep going?
I certainly didn’t. The things growing up will teach You!
Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful day off.
Love and light.
Today, I woke up and thought, “What a day to be alive!”
Waking up is always a process. Most times, I open my eyes and just stare, trying to decide how I feel on that day. On most mornings, it’s nothing, so I grab my to-do list from the night before and [attempt to] mentally prepare for my day.
On some days, that works. I get up and actually do stuff. Especially when I’ve eaten. Breakfast is ridiculously important to me. Do not even attempt to come near me in the morning if I haven’t eaten. Just nod and be on your way. In fact, I’d be perfectly fine if you didn’t even bother to nod.
But there are also those days when I wake up and realize that day isn’t going to happen. Mental, physical and emotional energy sometimes gang up on me and decide that we’re taking the day off. I kid you not. There was a time when I’d fight it, or try to, anyway. But these days, the most I do is try and understand how much my energy and I need the day off, and then most times, I oblige. I can’t stress how important it is to take time off for yourself in this demanding world.
So I’m having one of those mornings today. I woke up feeling nothing for the most part. The house is eerily silent (just the way I like it) and I’m holding my breath, hoping it will stay that way for a while (not very likely, considering I live with morning people). In a second or two, someone will be throwing the curtains open, another one will either turn the tv on or start talking at the top of their voice about one exciting thing or the other. It’s great, to be honest. That energy often rubs off eventually and in an hour or so, I could easily be mistaken for a morning person as well. (Who am I kidding, it’s the food. Breakfast has all the magic.)
Anyway, I’m attempting to have my best day today and I hope you are too.
People hate it when you want them more than they want you. We’ll deny it, but it’s true. That’s always been the worst part about “the morning after” (so to speak). You spend time with someone, have wonderful time, get to see a warm and wonderful side of them… And then you think, “Wow, that was nice. We should do it more often.” Except that someone then has to make the first move. Someone has to put the first foot forward. Will it be you? It could. But you worry you’ll seem like you want too much. And that’s always a problem. Why is there so much pressure in our lives though? Can we all just say what we mean already? Would that be so bad?
Imagine a world where you don’t have to worry about texting first, or calling too often, or suggesting that you meet again, and soon. Imagine a world where it’s okay to show the people you want just how much we want them; where we don’t have to pretend that the first kiss didn’t totally blow our minds. Isn’t that the dream?
Also, isn’t it a bit silly how the one who cares less has the power? Who goes into a relationship seeking power anyway? We live in a very strange world.
Anyway, I’m just thinking out loud.
I hope you’re all having a wonderful week.