Crossroads…

Life… I think I’ve learnt more in the few years since twenty than I learnt in my entire life combined. Growing up will do that to you. Nothing is ever as it seems. Decisions stop being black and white, yes or no, like or dislike… And you look back to the days when either/or counted as a predicament with amusement. O what a joke!! If only adult decisions were half as easy.
In the last month, I’ve experienced the most confusing emotions known to my twenty-something year old self thus far. You could call it an existential crisis  of sorts. Life as I have known it for the last decade plus ended and will never be the same again. And I’m still not sure how to proceed. I know a lot of people would go in with the “exploring new possibilities” speech at this point, and normally I’d be one of those “look on the bright side” speech givers, but I know now, from experience, that it isn’t always that easy.

So my roommate/classmate/deskmate/workmates/partner-in-crime/sister of twenty-something years went and got herself married. It’s amazing that she found her soulmate considering how rare that kind of thing is in this day and age… I was the happiest person at her wedding, one could easily have mistaken me for the bride. But nothing could have prepared me for all these confusing emotions I’ve experienced since then. The abandonment, the loneliness….etc. It’s amazing how much we take for granted when it’s right in front of us. I’ve always had a plus one. I’ve never had to try hard to make or keep friends because I always had a friend nearby; an automatic plus one. And now she’s gone and never coming back and I’m feeling all these confusing things and I’m not even sure if it’s normal. I can’t imagine anyone being okay with becoming next to irrelevant in the life of someone who has always put you first.

How did you deal when your sister/best friend/brother/roommate got married?

Is it normal to feel lost and lonely and confused about the permanence of the arrangement?