On Mondays, we regroup

I had such an intensely emotional weekend, something that has been happening rather often lately. The plan was to have an adult weekend comprised solely of boring self-care. You know; dinner for one made with ALL the love in the world, my favorite alcoholic beverage, movies with my feet up… the works. Did I succeed? Well, only for half a minute. And then fomo took over and I found myself fully dressed with my face beat and ready for an adventure. I used to be the most FOMO-free person on the planet. I have no idea when or how that changed…lol.

Anyway, as much as I fell off the wagon on that one day, I had every intention of carrying on with my self care plan the rest of the weekend. And I did. I spent Saturday by the pool -sunbathing and dipping interchangeably. It’s amazing how much a little vitamin D can do for your mood! Throw some cocktails and a book in there and you have yourself a full blown party for one.

Solitude can be difficult if/when you are an escapist. Your instinct says, “Keep going!” “Don’t stop the music!” “Run! Run! Run!” But at some point, all that stuff you keep out by following your instincts starts to leak from places that make them hard to ignore. Your eyes, for example, in the form of tears; your mood; hell even your body in form of random aches and ailments if you let it go so far. Pain sucks. Especially since there’s no quick permanent remedy for it. But you know what? There’s no short cut to recovery. And at some point or other, we’re all forced to deal with the pain that’s trapped inside of us. And it can get really really ugly.

So sit down with your emotions every now and again. Acknowledge them; Try to understand them. And then find a way to release them. It’ll do you a whole world of good.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.

What are some of your self care routines?

Unashamed

I’m done pretending I’m okay, and happy; that I don’t soak my pillow with the salty water that flows from my eyes on most nights. I’m not okay and that’s fine because I will be…and soon, if I face up to the things that make me cry. So this post is about acceptance -admitting that something isn’t right and dealing with it. This is me saying I need a hug, a nice word because on most days, I’m not having a nice day at all. This is about finding the cause of these tears and dealing with it… It’s about rising above the hurt and pain and confusion and coming out of it a wiser, stronger person. This about letting go….of the shame; the fear of people seeing your tears -knowing you’re a human being just like them. This is about courage, and supporting yourself even when it seems no one will be there for you…

broken hearted girl

Love once made her a wonderful person… It created a glow in her eyes, a twinkle in her smile and a radiance of joy and peace and happiness. Love encompassed her being and surrounded her existence. She filled the world with the joy she radiated. Many believed because she believed and loved because she loved… And then nature set in and turned love cold… Because she didn’t know how to unlearn the details of her tainted love… The months and months of deliberate lies… The love that once made her strong and radiant now burned a whole in her heart… It scorched her insides until hope and faith went out the back door; replaced instead with pain, suspicion and mistrust… With heaviness of heart and dripping pillows. She desperately tried to hold on to what was…the girl who loved and hoped and believed like she had never been hurt; the girl who loved relentlessly; who loved because she loved… Not because she was loved.
She stares in the mirror and sad eyes stare back, wondering what happened to the girl she used to be…