The other side of laziness…

The other side of laziness…

Guys, I stepped on a scale today and I was five kilograms heavier than I was the last time I checked; about 2 or 3 weeks before. It’s the heaviest I’ve weighed all year, so you can imagine how unpleasant i thought I’d feel. But you know what went through my mind? It’s just 5 kilos. Now if you know me, you know how much I love food. And if you know me especially well, then you know how hard it is to fit me and exercise in the same equation. We’re like oil and water… we love to try but it just doesn’t work out (pun intended). So as I’m writing this, I’m smiling to myself thinking about the progress I’ve made in terms of food freedom these past months. A little while ago, I’d be dying at the knowledge that I’ve gained 5 kilos. I’m not kidding; I’d be in a serious bout of depression which comes with the worst episodes of binge eating you can imagine. But you know what I thought this time? I really have been over doing the luxurious breakfasts these last few weeks since self employment. I kid you not… Chocolate croissants, large beef samosas, sausages, coffee (with full cream milk)… the works! And when I get home from a long day at work, the only thing that will pick me up is a good old KFC meal. I really can’t be helped! This has been my life for about two months now, my cheeks are proof of it. So actually, 5 kilos isn’t too bad at all considering my lazy ass does no exercise at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not excusing my laziness. Far from it, actually. The number on that scale has forced me to sit down and REALLY think about what I can do (laziness considered) to be even just a little bit less sedentary. And I’ve decided to walk to work a few days a week. Now I do not know how long I’ll keep this up for, but we have to start somewhere. So when you see me, remember to ask, “Did you walk to work this week?”

I need to be held accountable. We all know there’s a whole lot of sexy hiding behind all those pizzas I can’t stop eating. In fact, I’m not sure you guys are ready for my not-lazy body.

So feel free to send me “ Did you walk to work?” text messages tomorrow. I promise I’ll be nice 😬

And in the meantime, for those who didn’t get my last memo, do not, and I repeat; DO NOT touch my cheeks!

Love and light to you all ❤️

Sky lantern…

A wise man once likened resentment to holding burning coal in the palm of your hand, hoping that the other party gets burnt. Sounds silly when put like that, doesn’t it? I’d say this goes not only for resentment but also for all those things we hold on to that make today that much harder… The stuff that has us looking over our shoulders as we go on; missing the flowers and butterflies and the occasional potholes. Everyone who knows me knows I’m the queen of holding on (to things and people and memories and whatever else I can). I don’t let go without a fight. But the truth is, some battles aren’t worth fighting. And some things/people are better left in the past. I mean granted, we can’t quite choose who we meet or what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to it. It’s taken me long enough! So there goes my lantern… And along with it every crippling thought and memory and futile hope of yesteryear.

Crossroads…

Life… I think I’ve learnt more in the few years since twenty than I learnt in my entire life combined. Growing up will do that to you. Nothing is ever as it seems. Decisions stop being black and white, yes or no, like or dislike… And you look back to the days when either/or counted as a predicament with amusement. O what a joke!! If only adult decisions were half as easy.
In the last month, I’ve experienced the most confusing emotions known to my twenty-something year old self thus far. You could call it an existential crisis  of sorts. Life as I have known it for the last decade plus ended and will never be the same again. And I’m still not sure how to proceed. I know a lot of people would go in with the “exploring new possibilities” speech at this point, and normally I’d be one of those “look on the bright side” speech givers, but I know now, from experience, that it isn’t always that easy.

So my roommate/classmate/deskmate/workmates/partner-in-crime/sister of twenty-something years went and got herself married. It’s amazing that she found her soulmate considering how rare that kind of thing is in this day and age… I was the happiest person at her wedding, one could easily have mistaken me for the bride. But nothing could have prepared me for all these confusing emotions I’ve experienced since then. The abandonment, the loneliness….etc. It’s amazing how much we take for granted when it’s right in front of us. I’ve always had a plus one. I’ve never had to try hard to make or keep friends because I always had a friend nearby; an automatic plus one. And now she’s gone and never coming back and I’m feeling all these confusing things and I’m not even sure if it’s normal. I can’t imagine anyone being okay with becoming next to irrelevant in the life of someone who has always put you first.

How did you deal when your sister/best friend/brother/roommate got married?

Is it normal to feel lost and lonely and confused about the permanence of the arrangement?