We grow. Every single day that we live, we grow in some way or other. It could be significant growth sometimes, other times not so much. But as time shifts, so do we. And it’s so important to let ourselves grow. I’ve used that word so much because over the past couple of days, I’ve had a chance to reflect on what growth means to me and how that meaning has changed over the years. I used to be a rigid person. Anyone who knew me knows that. But anyone who knows me now knows that I’m the furthest thing from rigid. Pretty much anything will fly with me these days, under the right circumstances. My growth has come with the lesson that everything under the sun depends. And with that knowledge has come freedom.
But as with any old habit, sometimes I find myself slipping back. Remains of my former rigidity still rear their big heads sometimes and force me to reflect and regroup.
I’ll let you in on my most recent episode of regression.
Friendship means the world to me. It’s at the very top of the list of priorities for me. I love fiercely. And naturally, that means some measure of protectiveness. But one of the many lessons I’ve picked up along the way, albeit difficult, is that love doesn’t occur in the same form for everyone. And not all love that’s given out will be reciprocated. I must say, this has been a very hard lesson for me. Very very hard. And I’ll admit that I still struggle with it sometimes. I find that the memories, which by the way are supposed to be treasures, hold me hostage. The evolution of friendship and relationships and how they change over time still gets to me. Why do good things change sometimes?
But while I was forced to ponder over that little disturbance for a fraction of a second, I also remembered how much I’ve changed and how different my needs are right now. And then I thought about all the people the universe has sent me over the years, particularly in the post-school period, and how monumental they all are in my life right now. And that made me relax a whole lot and forget about said disturbance.
It’s perfectly okay for each one of us to regroup from time to time. And it shouldn’t have to come with hard feelings.
Have a wonderful week good people!
Guys, I stepped on a scale today and I was five kilograms heavier than I was the last time I checked; about 2 or 3 weeks before. It’s the heaviest I’ve weighed all year, so you can imagine how unpleasant i thought I’d feel. But you know what went through my mind? It’s just 5 kilos. Now if you know me, you know how much I love food. And if you know me especially well, then you know how hard it is to fit me and exercise in the same equation. We’re like oil and water… we love to try but it just doesn’t work out (pun intended). So as I’m writing this, I’m smiling to myself thinking about the progress I’ve made in terms of food freedom these past months. A little while ago, I’d be dying at the knowledge that I’ve gained 5 kilos. I’m not kidding; I’d be in a serious bout of depression which comes with the worst episodes of binge eating you can imagine. But you know what I thought this time? I really have been over doing the luxurious breakfasts these last few weeks since self employment. I kid you not… Chocolate croissants, large beef samosas, sausages, coffee (with full cream milk)… the works! And when I get home from a long day at work, the only thing that will pick me up is a good old KFC meal. I really can’t be helped! This has been my life for about two months now, my cheeks are proof of it. So actually, 5 kilos isn’t too bad at all considering my lazy ass does no exercise at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not excusing my laziness. Far from it, actually. The number on that scale has forced me to sit down and REALLY think about what I can do (laziness considered) to be even just a little bit less sedentary. And I’ve decided to walk to work a few days a week. Now I do not know how long I’ll keep this up for, but we have to start somewhere. So when you see me, remember to ask, “Did you walk to work this week?”
I need to be held accountable. We all know there’s a whole lot of sexy hiding behind all those pizzas I can’t stop eating. In fact, I’m not sure you guys are ready for my not-lazy body.
So feel free to send me “ Did you walk to work?” text messages tomorrow. I promise I’ll be nice 😬
And in the meantime, for those who didn’t get my last memo, do not, and I repeat; DO NOT touch my cheeks!
Love and light to you all ❤️
I had such an intensely emotional weekend, something that has been happening rather often lately. The plan was to have an adult weekend comprised solely of boring self-care. You know; dinner for one made with ALL the love in the world, my favorite alcoholic beverage, movies with my feet up… the works. Did I succeed? Well, only for half a minute. And then fomo took over and I found myself fully dressed with my face beat and ready for an adventure. I used to be the most FOMO-free person on the planet. I have no idea when or how that changed…lol.
Anyway, as much as I fell off the wagon on that one day, I had every intention of carrying on with my self care plan the rest of the weekend. And I did. I spent Saturday by the pool -sunbathing and dipping interchangeably. It’s amazing how much a little vitamin D can do for your mood! Throw some cocktails and a book in there and you have yourself a full blown party for one.
Solitude can be difficult if/when you are an escapist. Your instinct says, “Keep going!” “Don’t stop the music!” “Run! Run! Run!” But at some point, all that stuff you keep out by following your instincts starts to leak from places that make them hard to ignore. Your eyes, for example, in the form of tears; your mood; hell even your body in form of random aches and ailments if you let it go so far. Pain sucks. Especially since there’s no quick permanent remedy for it. But you know what? There’s no short cut to recovery. And at some point or other, we’re all forced to deal with the pain that’s trapped inside of us. And it can get really really ugly.
So sit down with your emotions every now and again. Acknowledge them; Try to understand them. And then find a way to release them. It’ll do you a whole world of good.
Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.
What are some of your self care routines?
I fell asleep in my feelings yesterday. Actually, I lie. My feelings kept me wide awake listening to heartbreak songs and trying to write. Thank goodness I still have a little bit of leave left so I can afford to pull one last all-nighter before I go back to the grind.
So thus morning, I’m lying in bed trying to figure out what to do with the last 20 something hours of my leave. The world feels like my oyster right now! Do I swim? Do I go to the movies? The Spa, perhaps? Hair day? My options are limitless. But I’m also very seriously contemplating staying in bed and reading a book. I’ve been reading a lot of biographies lately. All of those romantic tragedies I was reading before weren’t good for my emotional and mental health, so I gave them a bit of a break. And I feel sooooo inspired to do things. You really learn a lot when you surround yourself with powerful women. Even when it’s just the words they’ve had printed on pages. I don’t know why I didn’t get into this sooner.
Thank goodness for public holidays! Well sort of. On the one hand, I love that we have a reason not to work and that staying in bed is an option (even though I hate sleeping). But on the other hand, I think about all the dreams I had growing up about how I’d spend my days off as an adult. I didn’t understand why anyone would spend their day off at home. So I resolved that when I was grown up and making my own money, I’d spend week ends and public holidays on cruises, at barbeques, hosting dinners and brunches and all sorts of delightful things. Yes, I was always a fancy child. I get that bone from my father. Oh adulthood must be laughing so hard right now! These are the parts they don’t tell us. Who would have known that one day rest would come above “turning up” on the priorities list? Who knew that one day you’d think twice before eating s bagel because you might start looking like a baby elephant if you keep going?
I certainly didn’t. The things growing up will teach You!
Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful day off.
Love and light.
Today, I woke up and thought, “What a day to be alive!”
Waking up is always a process. Most times, I open my eyes and just stare, trying to decide how I feel on that day. On most mornings, it’s nothing, so I grab my to-do list from the night before and [attempt to] mentally prepare for my day.
On some days, that works. I get up and actually do stuff. Especially when I’ve eaten. Breakfast is ridiculously important to me. Do not even attempt to come near me in the morning if I haven’t eaten. Just nod and be on your way. In fact, I’d be perfectly fine if you didn’t even bother to nod.
But there are also those days when I wake up and realize that day isn’t going to happen. Mental, physical and emotional energy sometimes gang up on me and decide that we’re taking the day off. I kid you not. There was a time when I’d fight it, or try to, anyway. But these days, the most I do is try and understand how much my energy and I need the day off, and then most times, I oblige. I can’t stress how important it is to take time off for yourself in this demanding world.
So I’m having one of those mornings today. I woke up feeling nothing for the most part. The house is eerily silent (just the way I like it) and I’m holding my breath, hoping it will stay that way for a while (not very likely, considering I live with morning people). In a second or two, someone will be throwing the curtains open, another one will either turn the tv on or start talking at the top of their voice about one exciting thing or the other. It’s great, to be honest. That energy often rubs off eventually and in an hour or so, I could easily be mistaken for a morning person as well. (Who am I kidding, it’s the food. Breakfast has all the magic.)
Anyway, I’m attempting to have my best day today and I hope you are too.
October has has been one of my favorite months for as long as i can remember. For starters, my best friend Elizabeth was born in October… so there’s always a promise of good cake every October (lol). And to add on to that, it’s a month that’s always (for some reason) carried a lot of promise of the good things ahead (read: the holidays). Having lived abroad for the last four years, October was always that much-needed reminder that the holidays were right around the corner. But being back home brings a whole new [somewhat dull] meaning to October. Come to think of it, I didn’t even sing that “wake me up when September ends” song at all this year.
I’m super excited about the year coming to an end, though. I can’t say I’ve particularly liked this year. It’s generally been so full of changes… the kind every twenty-something has to go through when they make that transition from university to life *sigh!* I hate change. But hey! I came out alive! That’s something to celebrate, right? It’s not even half as bad as I thought. Of course I feel the urge to up and bolt back to my student days every now and then… but that’s normal, yes?
On the plus side, thanks to 2014, I’m the proud owner of a wonderful little Montessori pre-school. It’s amazing to see the methods Maria Montessori spoke so proudly about a century ago reflected in these littleUgandan children! It’s the sort of thing you have to see to believe. I look back on the last 10 months and how far my little ones have progressed thus far with satisfaction and immense pride in my children and myself for a job very well done! Choosing to teach and change the world one child at a time was definitely the best decision of my life!
Onward and upward… tomorrow…and the day after that…and the day after that!