In friendship, growth and evolution

We grow. Every single day that we live, we grow in some way or other. It could be significant growth sometimes, other times not so much. But as time shifts, so do we. And it’s so important to let ourselves grow. I’ve used that word so much because over the past couple of days, I’ve had a chance to reflect on what growth means to me and how that meaning has changed over the years. I used to be a rigid person. Anyone who knew me knows that. But anyone who knows me now knows that I’m the furthest thing from rigid. Pretty much anything will fly with me these days, under the right circumstances. My growth has come with the lesson that everything under the sun depends. And with that knowledge has come freedom.

But as with any old habit, sometimes I find myself slipping back. Remains of my former rigidity still rear their big heads sometimes and force me to reflect and regroup.

I’ll let you in on my most recent episode of regression.

Friendship means the world to me. It’s at the very top of the list of priorities for me. I love fiercely. And naturally, that means some measure of protectiveness. But one of the many lessons I’ve picked up along the way, albeit difficult, is that love doesn’t occur in the same form for everyone. And not all love that’s given out will be reciprocated. I must say, this has been a very hard lesson for me. Very very hard. And I’ll admit that I still struggle with it sometimes. I find that the memories, which by the way are supposed to be treasures, hold me hostage. The evolution of friendship and relationships and how they change over time still gets to me. Why do good things change sometimes?

But while I was forced to ponder over that little disturbance for a fraction of a second, I also remembered how much I’ve changed and how different my needs are right now. And then I thought about all the people the universe has sent me over the years, particularly in the post-school period, and how monumental they all are in my life right now. And that made me relax a whole lot and forget about said disturbance.

It’s perfectly okay for each one of us to regroup from time to time. And it shouldn’t have to come with hard feelings.

Have a wonderful week good people!

Zeri xx

Something about 28…

Something about 28…

I turned 28 yesterday. Exciting stuff. I honestly have not been this excited for a new age since 21. I know 21 isn’t that long ago but still, 7 years is a whiiiile. Anyway, you know how you sometimes have that gut feeling in the pit of your tummy that this is going to be a monumental year? That’s how I feel about 28. I feel like it’s one of those years I’ll not forget. To be honest, I have a sneaking feeling this has something to do with the fact that my parents got married and had my sister when my mom was about this age. So in my mind, 28/29 have always been big ages, since before I can even remember.

So here I am. 28. I feel amazing (okay, besides the fact that I’m still coming down from the high of all the love I got yesterday and all the day’s festivities). I’ve spent the last year of my life trying to be more intentional in my life and in my choices. And my 28th birthday really has been evidence of a year well spent. Quality over quantity any day. 28 feels amazing so far 🥂

Traditions were observed, as per usual;

•Champagne breakfast with the family ❤️

•Lunch with someone I love dearly ❤️

•Spa treatment at my favorite spa (Maisha at the Kampala Serena hotel) courtesy of a very good friend (Thank youuuu!)

•And last but certainly not least, an evening of bubbles with my Elizabeth.

I can’t even begin to complain guys. My heart is full.

Cheers to 28! This year will be monumental. 🥂

Zeri.xx

Not another Valentine’s day…

The 14th of February… such a scandalous day world over. People’s minds are blown, sometimes, others get terribly disappointed. Some have chosen not to believe altogether because it’s easier than accepting that nothing is coming through for yet another year in a row…
For me it holds so many funny memories from years past. From the little boy who got suspended from boarding school because he escaped to come and see me on that day (I didn’t even see him because my parents were home and I couldn’t get out of the gate), to the time I had more than one tentative date and they ALL fell through… to the time when my surprises came through well after 7pm and by then I was too mad to enjoy the treat (the perfect date, by the way). Then I remember the time when I came down from my building on my first day in Cape Town to find a boy with a puppy, red roses and a huge placard saying “Happy Valentine’s day baby!” And no calls or texts from my then boo. Thank God there were no blue ticks then . They could have started a world war, I tell you.

Now that I’m older (and much wiser), I find it absolutely ridiculous that so much would be tied to a single day, one with a very questionable history at that. I mean, it’s true that most of us need something to fuss over, to believe in, to look forward to; but frankly speaking, I think it would be much wiser to let the whole thing go altogether. I mean, what happens when nothing comes through? Or if you get the same old bouquet of flowers for the seventh year in a row? What then?

Call me a cynic but I’d rather have 365 days in which to expect nice things than have one singular one. There’s much less room for error with the former. However, with that being said, I do hope you guys weren’t too disappointed today. Surely some of your dreams came true, yes? We all know how much I love a good love story.

But for the rest of you who, like me, neither believe in nor celebrate Valentine’s day, I do hope you had a wonderful day at work/school/life.

Hugs and kisses…

❤Zeri❤

Growing up

I remember when women’s day was such a big deal to me! It’s been my favourite holiday since i turned eighteen and officially crossed that line between girl and woman. We get to be celebrated by the men in our lives… What’s not to love?
There was a time when i took it personally when certain people did not recognize the day and pay special attention to me. And needless to say, for the last several years, the men in my life have treated me to all kinds of things in celebration of my being female.
Yet try as i may, i completely failed to care this year. I suppose (to some extent) this had something to do with expectations (or lack there of). You see, growing up comes with the acceptance that some expectations are unrealistic, leaving you with two choices; either to expect anyway and [most probably] be disappointed or not to expect at all. You can guess where i lay this year.

Its too bad we do not get to try this again in August as Uganda only celebrates this holiday once. Bettet luck next year, perhaps?

That being said, a very happy women’s day to the wonderful women who make life worth living. You know who you areeee!!!

Hello October!

October has has been one of my favorite months for as long as i can remember. For starters, my best friend Elizabeth was born in October… so there’s always a promise of good cake every October (lol). And to add on to that, it’s a month that’s always (for some reason) carried a lot of promise of the good things ahead (read: the holidays). Having lived abroad for the last four years, October was always that much-needed reminder that the holidays were right around the corner. But being back home brings a whole new [somewhat dull] meaning to October. Come to think of it, I didn’t even sing that “wake me up when September ends” song at all this year.

I’m super excited about the year coming to an end, though. I can’t say I’ve particularly liked this year. It’s generally been so full of changes… the kind every twenty-something has to go through when they make that transition from university to life *sigh!* I hate change. But hey! I came out alive! That’s something to celebrate, right? It’s not even half as bad as I thought. Of course I feel the urge to up and bolt back to my student days every now and then… but that’s normal, yes?

On the plus side, thanks to 2014, I’m the proud owner of a wonderful little Montessori pre-school. It’s amazing to see the methods Maria Montessori spoke so proudly about a century ago reflected in these littleUgandan children! It’s the sort of thing you have to see to believe. I look back on the last 10 months and how far my little ones have progressed thus far with satisfaction and immense pride in my children and myself for a job very well done!  Choosing to teach and change the world one child at a time was definitely the best decision of my life!

Onward and upward… tomorrow…and the day after that…and the day after that!Kampala-20140303-02222

Midnight musings…

And she’s back with a bang… My old friend, insomnia. I can’t remember the last time I was up this late counting sheep with absolutely no trace of sleep. I suppose I’m anxious about something even though I can’t quite put a finger on it yet. I used to love this time; after midnight when everyone has gone to sleep and it’s finally silent enough for thinking, or writing or meditating or whatever else better done in the peace and serenity of after-dark. The fear of the future is real guys! Okay, it’s more the unknown than the future, really. But the fear is real. And no matter how often things sort themselves out as we go along, the fear of what might happen next never ceases. That question “what if something goes wrong?” still lingers… Or is that just me? In a perfect world, I’d have control over all the outcomes that affect me.

Crossroads…

Life… I think I’ve learnt more in the few years since twenty than I learnt in my entire life combined. Growing up will do that to you. Nothing is ever as it seems. Decisions stop being black and white, yes or no, like or dislike… And you look back to the days when either/or counted as a predicament with amusement. O what a joke!! If only adult decisions were half as easy.
In the last month, I’ve experienced the most confusing emotions known to my twenty-something year old self thus far. You could call it an existential crisis  of sorts. Life as I have known it for the last decade plus ended and will never be the same again. And I’m still not sure how to proceed. I know a lot of people would go in with the “exploring new possibilities” speech at this point, and normally I’d be one of those “look on the bright side” speech givers, but I know now, from experience, that it isn’t always that easy.

So my roommate/classmate/deskmate/workmates/partner-in-crime/sister of twenty-something years went and got herself married. It’s amazing that she found her soulmate considering how rare that kind of thing is in this day and age… I was the happiest person at her wedding, one could easily have mistaken me for the bride. But nothing could have prepared me for all these confusing emotions I’ve experienced since then. The abandonment, the loneliness….etc. It’s amazing how much we take for granted when it’s right in front of us. I’ve always had a plus one. I’ve never had to try hard to make or keep friends because I always had a friend nearby; an automatic plus one. And now she’s gone and never coming back and I’m feeling all these confusing things and I’m not even sure if it’s normal. I can’t imagine anyone being okay with becoming next to irrelevant in the life of someone who has always put you first.

How did you deal when your sister/best friend/brother/roommate got married?

Is it normal to feel lost and lonely and confused about the permanence of the arrangement?

Life’s little ironies

I’m sitting in the couch watching my little sister do her homework and I can’t help feeling a little nostalgia for a time when life was so uncomplicated; so simple. It’s hard to imagine that anyone can be so clueless about life’s pressures and the difficult decisions adult life presents you with from time to time. I’m almost jealous, to be honest. What I would give to have no worries, no concerns, no difficult decisions.

My friend Matt referred to this period in my life as an existential crisis. I haven’t a clue where to go from here. I don’t know which way to turn. One way is easy and straightforward but not my first choice. To take that road is to settle, so to speak… The other way is much harder… It’s complicated and uncertain. It’s paved with so much emotional turmoil and anxiety…yet so much joy and happiness all at once. I want to go with the latter, but there are road blocks everywhere I turn.

And my minds wanders back to this innocent ten year old; completely oblivious to the woes of the person who’s right infront of her. We’re sharing jokes as we have our supper… And all I want to do is crawl into my bed.

When I was her age, being my age seemed like the dream. I couldn’t believe that a time would come when I could make my own decisions. What I didn’t know, was that with great privilege comes great, great responsibility.

Yet here I am envying a 10year old that’s struggling with her homework.

Life can be quite strange!

soundtrack: Lucky (Britney Spears)

Does anyone else feel completely let down when they share something extremely personal with someone and they act like you just said the sky is blue? I do. It actually makes me resent the person a little. Today wasn’t a good day. It’s just one of those years. The “big” one, if I can call it that. Why didn’t anyone tell us that growing up was so freaking complicated? Everything in my life seems to be going really well. So why does salt water from my eyes attack my pillow at night? Somebody make it stooooooop!

Where’s my glass of red?