Do you sometimes wish there was a manual for reactions and feelings? I feel like I’m always losing in this department! I hold on too long (to feelings, that is), even when I can’t clearly remember what it was that made me feel that way in the first place. It makes everything that much harder. Can you imagine how hard it must be to try and let go of a feeling, not remembering why you felt that way in the first place. I feel like it has made me volatile and somewhat fragile. Imagine that… Me being easy to break… (And I’m supposed to be the steel princess. Apparently. )
I can barely recognize myself now. And I don’t like it. Resentment is slowly but surely becoming me. I think I finally understand why they say harbouring resentment is like holding hot coal in the palm of your hand and hoping the other person gets burnt. In other words, it’s self-defeating and serves no purpose.
Some of these conversations might be difficult to have, but it’s always better to deal with things in the present in a long run. Bitterness doesn’t look good on anyone.
I set a chain reaction in motion with one of the posts I wrote a little while ago. At some point, I considered not blogging anymore or maybe starting a new blog altogether. But when I thought about it, I realized a few things…
1) I started this blog as an outlet. There are a lot of things I choose not to talk about in my real life; sometimes because they aren’t necessary, or because I do not get the opportunity, or because there’s never enough time and to say it in short/summary would leave too much room for misunderstanding or simply because I can’t find the right words. But when I come here, I can say what I want in whatever form or language and the readers will simply enjoy the post (or not) without attempting to dissect me or connect the dots or read between the lines. So blogging is both liberating and therapeutic.
2) Sometimes, writing, like everything else, will get misinterpreted. It doesn’t mean you stop writing.
It’s been a long, long week… But this too shall pass.
The sun will come out tomorrow….. *Annie voice*