the days that turned to years…

They say the day you write your first poem is the day you start telling the truth… This was mine. I thought I’d share it with you.

14 months. 14 months without hearing your voice, seeing your smile, hearing your words of encouragement and your teasing. 13 months… Trying to forget your number, in vain. Dialling it and hanging up every time until I finally found the strength to stop dialling, even when I really wanted to. 12 months… Since I stopped seeing you when I closed my eyes every night; in that stranger across the street, in that car in front of the car in front of mine. 11 months… looking behind my shoulder as I crossed the street, afraid I might bump into you and undo all the progress I’ve made…
10months…wondering how you are, and what happened and why you didn’t want me…
9 months. Not wondering at all, and finally being glad it was all over.
8. since I hit delete on all those memories and pictures and letters… Since I accepted that even great things like you and I come to an end.
7 months since I let you go, like you never existed.
6 months since the day your name came up again in a conversation, and made my heart skip a beat. You were well. So it was well.
5 months
4 months
3… I started to wonder… what if I saw you again? Would I still love you? Would I… say hello with a shrug; like you were just any one; a someone or other I used to know? Would my heart
skip
a beat?
Would my insides break out into song? And if you showed up on my wedding day? Would I say
I do?
2 months since I found you… And searched within myself for the courage to come and find you.
1 month one week and 3days since I found that courage… Only for it to disappear almost completely at the sight of you.
My legs went weak, my insides flattered and my heart
Lost
Its beat.
1 month since I found the courage to dial that number. Since I saw that message that morning. Since I heard
your voice
again… And saw that look in your eyes; the one I was sure I’d imagined.
3weeks since I realised I still loved you. And that I would always love you.
It’s been 3days 6 hours and 47 minutes…
since I found out you loved me too…
more than I’ll ever really know.
3 days 6 hours and 47 minutes since you breathed life back into my life and made me feel whole again. Since my heart started to beat again
Pumping warm blood around my body,
Melting all the ice that had grown around it away.
But who’s counting?

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