open eyes

That moment when someone voices your thoughts and fears and deepest darkest fears… The things you’d never share for fear of feeling exposed, fear of being rejected. You’re okay with being the mythical “strong”. Its all you’ve ever known how to be… In public, anyway. But they don’t have to know, do they? That you cry yourself to sleep sometimes, on the good days when insomnia is too lazy to pick on you… That the only reason for your not sleeping is because you’d rather be lost in the world of TV than alone in bed waiting for slumber’s embrace, afraid it might never come…
You wait for the one who’ll love you with all your you-ness. Not in spite of it but because of it. The one who’ll get that we’re all a little damaged but our little damages makes us that much more special. That at the end of the day, we all face life’s BS and then we die. That to feel pain is to be human. That strength is but a shield and even the one in possession of shocking amounts of it needs a hug or two or ten.
But as the days go by, you start to despair. There’s no such one, is there? You doubt out loud; a little more each day. Eventually, you tire of the wait. Many claim to love you… They lie. They love the idea of you. The bold curving of your hips, your backside… The lusciousness of the lips which bear the practised smile that hides your pain. You’re filled with disgust at the curiosity and the lust… But mostly at yourself for being so desperate that you’re almost willing to take anything they have to offer. Anything for a warm hug, a shared cup of hot chocolate and just someone, anyone. That’s how far down you’ve come. You’re ashamed of your weakness. You are broken and alone, determined not to let them take you alive. But what little strength you had within you has slowly been taken from you by every chance you’ve given. Distraught, down and almost out, you look skywards and speak to the One person your self-pity wouldn’t let you reach out to… “I’m unworthy of your love, Father,” you cry, “I don’t deserve your kindness but show mercy on your servant. Help me, Father! Please help me!”

(Psalms 34:18) “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; And those who are crushed in spirit he saves.”

“This is the confidence that we have toward him, that, no matter what it is that we ask according to his will, he hears us.” (1 John 5:14)

And he does. He takes pity on you. “For Jehovah has comforted his people, and he shows pity upon his own afflicted ones.” (Isaiah 49:13)

Your heavenly father hears your cry and helps you. However, “he that approaches God must believe that he is and that he becomes the rewarder of those earnestly seeking him.” (Hebrews 11:6)

“If we run to him for protection, he will prove to be “a secure height for anyone crushed, a secure height in times of distress.”—Psalm 9:9.

A lot of the time we look for love and acceptance in all the wrong place. We lower our standards and conform to practices that go away from God’s teachings because we want to fit in. But when we give Him a chance to make changes in our lives, we’re often amazed at the results.

“Taste and see that Jehovah is good.” (Psalms 34:8)


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