the unavailable

You feel yourself searching the crowds, assessing them. You’re looking for something. You don’t understand why because the something you’re looking for is right next to you. Yet you still search. For satisfaction. For the calming assurance that there’s another just like it. That it isn’t a priceless antique; a one-of-a-kind. Each search leads to a more frantic desperate other as you realise once again that it might indeed be a special edition. That there really isn’t anything like it anywhere. That letting it go would be a loss… Of the most beautiful, most rare, most oddly-put-together masterpiece. Your masterpiece. You pick up the pace as you desperately increase the parameters of your search. You don’t want to lose your masterpiece. But you’re so afraid of how much you want it; unashamed and sacrificial, that you’d sooner settle for a second-rate version than forever live in fear of losing your precious masterpiece. You quiver at the thought of it belonging to someone else; of someone holding and loving it like you do. And your mind breaks out in a frenzy of wishful “if only’s”…..


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