Desperate times…

Patient people are special. There’s no other way of saying it. I mean I can’t quite understand how someone can sit through the pain-staking ordeal of waiting for something to happen when they can just force it to. Those movie moments when you really want to speak to guy (or girl) X but are pretending to be super-splendid-lady-cool you can’t even pretend to be when all the while you’re barely holding it together right until that moment when they actually call (or don’t in which event you do actually fall apart)? Nah I can’t deal with that. How can a single person have that much power over you? How can you allow, let alone tolerate it? I know for a fact I can’t.

Now I’m not saying mine is the lesser evil. No one evil is less than the other. I’m impatient. I don’t wait. Ever! I don’t know how everyone else does it. I just can’t.  It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have to offer. I. Won’t. Wait. For. You. Yes I might spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been but I guess if really it was meant to be and we’re both still alive, it will, right? And if it doesn’t, there are plenty other fish in the sea. And don’t give me that “she’s special” “he’s one in a million” jazz. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve felt that way about someone, well I’d have three dollars now but that’s not the point. The point is, whoever they are, they aren’t the last special person standing. You might think so now but I assure you, there’s probably a person out there that will make you look back at them and agree that it’s never that serious. In fact, you might even find yourself wondering what you were high on when you thought they were the best thing since mac and cheese. And as someone who’s been there, believe me, there’s no better feeling than that which you feel when you finally overcome a weakness.

I’m actually a little sick at the thought of somebody being my weakness. A thing, an addiction, maybe. But a person? I die a little inside at the thought. I hate the power the people we love have over us; especially if they don’t feel the same way because that often means we’re their puppet and they can tag at our strings whenever they see fit. You have to agree with me when I say that’s just wrong. No one human being, irrespective of how good-looking or how charming, should have all that power? How?

Like I told a friend of mine earlier today, feeling for someone is a choice. We allow ourselves to shower them with affection and attention. We fan the flames of love within ourselves. We can’t blame these people. They didn’t ask us to love them, they didn’t steal our affection. We gave it to them willingly and with it, control over our wellbeing.

I personally feel that when you acknowledge the feelings you have for someone and make the decision to give them the best of you, it should be because you actually feel like they are worthy and not because you expect anything in return. In which case, don’t hold back. Give them the best of you so that if in the end they throw it all back in your face, you’ll know without a doubt that you were wrong and they weren’t worthy because anyone worthy of your affection will not throw the best of you back in your face.

Don’t let your love be defined by someone else. Define your love! Like a wise man once said, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

I don’t know about you guys, but my love is too RICH to have thrown back in my face.Imagelo


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