He never expected much

As much as I hate when people ignore me, eventually I get used to it, develop a tough skin and start not to care. It gets easier until sometimes I don’t even realize they’re ignoring me. That last part’s not true of course. But its close to the truth.
Resurfacing on my radar after long bouts of silence is criminal. It upsets the balance, sending me right back to square one where I have to re-learn how not to care.
It sometimes scares me how much I care. Kinda like a part of me seems to think I can care these humans into caring. If only there was a switch you could turn on and off when you please. So you care just the right amount or not at all. Wouldn’t life be so beautiful? Snap out of it. No one promised life would be easy. But the other choice is just as scary; the dark side. You can learn to turn them off but you have to be ready to give it all up. The joy, the love, the pain… All of it. Flipping that switch turns you cold, completely ridding you of emotion. That is all but one; emptiness. I can’t say I haven’t considered this option time and time again. But I keep asking myself if its worth it. I love love. The very notion of it just makes me smile. Its like a rainbow; a promise that it all gets better. It’s the journey that’s scary; that calm before the storm before the calm (if that makes any sense).
In the words of Thomas Hardy, “never though expected I that life would be so fair…”


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