I’m a walking contradiction. I’ve heard so many people say they’d like to live in my head for just one day to see what goes on in there. Truth is, even I don’t really know and if there were tickets, believe me, I’d want the first one! I have an opinion on literally everything. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense, even to me. But no one said it had to. My brain is always working. A frenzy of confused confusion.
For a realist, I often find my head buried in the clouds that are optimism. And yet I think optimism to be a hope for the naïve. I’m the biggest cynic ever! And yet I believe in the goodness of people. “How you contradict yourself!” You’re probably thinking. But I can explain.
I don’t trust the very nice, very sweet, seemingly perfect types. They’re suspect! The situation of today’s world cannot permit such goodness! I’m convinced these ones have undercover issues I.e. potential to become serial killers. So I basically steer clear. Besides, where’s the fun in all-white?
The super-villainy dark types, however, are the objects of my fascination and I’ve never really been able to figure out why. I’m drawn to them. I find myself, time and time again, making it my mission to find that little bit of goodness in them. Like I said, no one can be all bad.
My curiosity will kill me one day. I know that. But I can’t turn away from the unknown. It calls out to me, whispers sweet nothings in my ears, mesmerizes me and basically makes me its bitch.
I’m attracted to the strange and the different; the ones nobody (myself inclusive) can ever really understand, yet always wonder about. They add a little red to life. In my case, the red equals hurt and pain and loads of uncertainty. And yet I still can’t seem to be able to turn away.
I’m part realist, part cynic, part pessimist… The other part I’m still figuring out but ‘confused’ seems like a safe bet.
Welcome to my world!